A Night of Woe

This is a tale of woe and madness happened about two weeks before Christmas 04. It was a cold, dark, windy night. A cloud occasionally eclipsing the full moon my friend Adam and I were sitting around the table discussing something that we had heard from personal experience or something equally important like the cure for cancer or world hunger. To my surprise my phone rang. It was another one of our friends, Calin.
Calin started speaking very quickly and franticly. “Jesse I’m on my way over. I’ve got to tell you and Adam something that just happened to me. I’ll be right there. Then he hung up.
Adam asked who it was and I told him what Calin had told me and we both dismissed it. “Ahh that crazy Romanian probably just won two dollars off of a scratcher.” At that very moment music came out of no-where. Dahh..Dahhh...DAHHHH!!! Adam and I each with an I brow arched looked at each other realizing that Oklahoma did not have scratchers yet and simultaneously recognizing that the music came from what sound like an old black and white horror film.
Only a moment passed when all of a sudden there was a sharp rap, rap, rap, on my door. Then lightening flashed and the power went out. The lightening kept striking lighting up a silhouette in the window next to my door with a brilliant flash. Adam and I grew instantly quiet as the camera panned from our faces to the door and zoomed in as the knob slowly turned back and forth. Dah…Dahh..DAHHH!!!. We couldn’t figure out were that music was coming from. Then suddenly, much to my relief and Adam’s chagrin, we heard Calin yell from outside “Hey someone let me in. The door is locked and it’s cold out here.
Adam got up and opened the door. Oddly there was not a cloud in the sky. Dah…Dahhh…DAHHHHH!, but it was still cold and windy. Calin walked in with a large present. It was a large box half wrapped in wedding present wrapping paper. He set it down and immediately poured himself a shot. He was trembling so bad that you could hear the neck of the bottle clanking against the shot glass as he poured. He was visibly shaken. He took a sip then set the shot down on the table. He sat back and the fire would have been crackling if we had one, but we didn’t. He told us his story:
“I walked out of my apartment and was going to get in my car when I heard a voice say (help me) come from the bushes. I didn’t think anything of it at first. I just thought I was hearing things. When I turned to get in my car I heard it again.
Curious now, I walked to the bush. There was a little fat old man hiding in it wearing nothing but a pair of red underwear. He had a snow white beard and was hold that gift Calin said pointing to the present. He said that he went to a wedding and was kicked out. Then he came here and he was robbed. They took everything his clothes his sleigh, his reindeer. The only reason they hadn’t gotten this present is because I was able to hide it in the bushes before they got to me. Calin said that he felt sorry for the guy and didn’t want him running around naked so he went inside and got an OSU shirt and gave it to him. (You see, it’s ok to give away OSU anything because they suck and no-one wants there stuff anyway) The man put it on and asked Calin if he had anything red because red was his color. Calin said he was sorry but he didn’t. Calin said “ Well I have to be on my way.” When the old man stopped him, “you’re friends with Adam and Jesse right?” Calin a little nervous now said “Yes, how did you know?” The old man said “I’m Santa” The little crazy old guy that thought he was Santa and Calin argued for a few moments “No you aren’t. Yes I am. No you aren’t. Yes I am. No you aren’t. Yes I am. No you aren’t. Yes I am. No you aren’t. Yes I am. No you aren’t. Yes I am.” This happened for about five minutes when Calin grew tired of this endless debate. “Ce Dracu!!! Enough of this old man” Calin said to placate him. “You are Santa, what does that have to do with me?” The old man said that this present is for Adam and Jesse and wanted him to bring it to us. DAhh…DAHhh…DAHHHH!!!! Calin agreed took the gift and left. That is when he called us.

The three of us sat there looking at each other and the present. Adam and I, both thought “This crazy Romanian. You can’t just accept gifts from strangers. The United States isn’t like Romania. It’s probably a bomb or Anthrax or something equally deadly and dangerous like a snail or something.” Calin thought we should open it. Adam and I thought we should call the police.
Calin offered to open it for us. It wasn’t ticking or anything. Adam and I, did not want to be out macho’d by a Romanian decided we’d open it. We carefully took the package outside and set on the patio. In case something bad did happen, my dog Sadie would be safe. We put on gloves and held our breaths. We slowly cut through the tape and working as a pair opened the flap of the box while the other looked for trip wires. We opened the box with the daintiest of movements. Both of us knew that all of us would die with one wrong move. We saw another box inside. The debate to call the police happened again. When Calin once again challenged our man hood by saying that he was not afraid and would open the box. Again, Adam and I took painstaking care in taking the next box from the previous box and slowly, carefully began to open that, only to find another box. At this point we knew we had been had and started tearing into each consecutive box until we found to small packages. I handed one to Adam and we both opened one. Calin and bought us lighters and had them engraved. Oddly enough Adam and I had each grabbed and opened our own lighter.
Calin has gotten us. He is the master for the time being. Adam and I made the fatal error of underestimated our mild manner friend. Not to worry though, I will have a follow up story. “A Night of Revenge” this will be the story in which Adam and I get even. Woo Hoooo…..