Combination Locks....
I haven't updated this in awhile. Now by popular demand I am once again updating my blog. Yes, it's true a new blog. You don't have to hide your amazement, but if for some reason you are dissappointed I would prefer that you do hide that. The trouble is I don't have anything to write about. Every writer/professor I've ever known have always said to just start writing and sooner or later something brilliant is bound to come out.
OK where shall I start. I have a new neighbor at work. She is a pretty nice lady. Great thing about her is that, like me, she also is from CA. Woo hoo. Now I don't remember what we were talking about, or even how we got on the subject, but I told her something and she said I should include it in my blog. The only problem is, although at the time I said it, I'm sure that it was brilliant, charming, and probably on the scope of curing world hunger or cancer. I just can't remember what it was. It's totally possible that we were talking about relationships and sex, and even as I write this I am now beginging to remember. I was saying that women should just let men do there thing, then we will be able to concentrate while we attempt to pleasure them. The problem with women is that they expect us to figure out what to do with them. Meanwhile, the fake and we think we are doing it to them. That each woman was like a combination lock. Spin it 3 times to the right to clear it. Spin it four times to the left and land on 15. Spin 3 times to the right and land on 4, finally twice back to the right land on 56. Then open. The only problem is each woman has a different combination. Also they tend to be alot more complicated than the most sophisticated locks. I don't know of a single lock that tells you that it's almost open only to tell you that it is starting to become more locked. Ahhh lifes cruel little ironies. (Although if someone could actually design locks that behaved like women we would probably have alot less break-ins. All the thiefs would be to damn fraustrated with the locks and just give up.) However, I am not suggesting that we men just give up on pleasing our women. I suggest that our women satisfy us. Admit guys, you know the first one is usually quick anyway. Now we are no longer distracted and can concentrate on learning your combination. This part is for the women: Yes most men will have a few tricks up there sleeves and even those of us that you might consider beyond help can at the least turn on the oven. Here is the thing. Teach us your combination. Work with us. Worse case scenario: The first few times even tell us. Just plan ahead. Spend a little time now preparing us. Over time, we will learn the combination, it will become almost instinctive because that is what guys do. We figure out the formula. If you want to fake every so often go ahead. If you do it all the time I can pretty much guarentee that you will never be satisfied, simply because us men will be thinking that we are getting the job done.
In other news: My company has finally been taken over by that other company. The good news and much to my relief we all still have our jobs. At least we have them for the time being. Wooo hooo. The clutch in my car has finally gone out. 120,000 miles, that's pretty darn good for a clutch. Anyway I have bought a truck. It's 7 years older, but has less miles. that should buy me some more time. I usually hang out with a few of my friends a couple different times a week. The poker game has pretty much died, and it now looks that we will give frezbie golf a go.
Where are the ladies?
Obviously I do not know the answere to this question or I proabably wouldn't be typing here. On the lighter side I have met a real nice girl. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. If I keep asking her to dinner and a movie she has to give in eventually right??? She did call me for the first time today. That was a pleasant surprise.
I also believe that I am cursed. I have been acused serval times of having been engaged and or married to women that I was just friends with or even on a first date. My new working theory is that women see me and think I'm already with someone. Ladies let me assure you that I AM SINGLE!!!!! START YOUR ENGINES AND HIT ON ME!!!!
Family Circus:
Well Bug and Naddie are getting bigger. Bug is a real character. Beth and Brian have a new mouth to feed. Now on to bigger and more important things: Turkey Day. I've been invited to a few different places. On one hand I can eat another one of Beth's most perfect birds and enjoy a feast worthy of kings or go for the unexpected. Although Beth's bird is tempting I'm leaning towards the unexpected at this point simply because it sounds like an adventure.
Sadies Corner:
Well my friends Adam, Calin and Shane come over here to play with me a few times a week. They talk to Jesse, but I know they are here to play with me. Adam tries to pretend he's throwing my ball and then he hides it. He doesn't fool me. Every now and then I'll turn and run just to appease him. Calin lets me sit in his lap. Shane has been neglecting me. He hasn't brought me Munchems in over two months. I might start taking it out on his shoes, but for now I think I'll give him a few more chances. I also have found a new toy. Empty two liter bottles are extremely fun to play with.
The Differnces:
I think I have covered a large number of differences so far so I apologize if this is a repeat. Since I have experinenced it again tonight I will write it anyway. Oklahomans DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. I have experianced gridlock here a total of 6 times since I have moved here. On average that is once every two months. In CA I only experianced gridlock once. I drove there for ten years. Only once. The traffic jams I've been in out there were far worse, but people still understand and practiced merging. Granted that in CA you tend not to try to piss off other drivers because road rage is almost a common and exceptable practice. So is keeping a gun in your glove compartment to use should such a situation occur. In all, I have been cut off and in gridlock more often here in one year than in ten years in CA.
Also in CA the lanes you drive in kind of work like this. The "slow lane" is usually the speed limit lane. Each lane to the left increases in 5mph increaments over the speed limit. The far left lane is as fast as you dare go. Often it is common for traffic to be traveling at 10mph over the speed limit. Here people will go 40 in a 65 three lanes abreast. Maybe inbreeding makes them less intelligent, but it would stand to reason that three people in three different cars would be intelligent enough to drive single file in one lane instead of impedeing traffic in all three. I could go on forever about this, and I wouldn't be surprised if I make this my next topic.
On another note, I have never seen so many vehicles broken down on the side of the road as I have here, and they are left there for weeks.
FYI: Do you know how long it takes to get sick of eating at Hooters. Just about a year. Just in case you were wondering.
I can not remember what other sections I had in here, but right now I'm tired. So I'm going to go to bed. I'm not even going to spell check this or proof read it for grammer. So...Please forgive the spelling and grammer.
Goodnight and until next time.
OK where shall I start. I have a new neighbor at work. She is a pretty nice lady. Great thing about her is that, like me, she also is from CA. Woo hoo. Now I don't remember what we were talking about, or even how we got on the subject, but I told her something and she said I should include it in my blog. The only problem is, although at the time I said it, I'm sure that it was brilliant, charming, and probably on the scope of curing world hunger or cancer. I just can't remember what it was. It's totally possible that we were talking about relationships and sex, and even as I write this I am now beginging to remember. I was saying that women should just let men do there thing, then we will be able to concentrate while we attempt to pleasure them. The problem with women is that they expect us to figure out what to do with them. Meanwhile, the fake and we think we are doing it to them. That each woman was like a combination lock. Spin it 3 times to the right to clear it. Spin it four times to the left and land on 15. Spin 3 times to the right and land on 4, finally twice back to the right land on 56. Then open. The only problem is each woman has a different combination. Also they tend to be alot more complicated than the most sophisticated locks. I don't know of a single lock that tells you that it's almost open only to tell you that it is starting to become more locked. Ahhh lifes cruel little ironies. (Although if someone could actually design locks that behaved like women we would probably have alot less break-ins. All the thiefs would be to damn fraustrated with the locks and just give up.) However, I am not suggesting that we men just give up on pleasing our women. I suggest that our women satisfy us. Admit guys, you know the first one is usually quick anyway. Now we are no longer distracted and can concentrate on learning your combination. This part is for the women: Yes most men will have a few tricks up there sleeves and even those of us that you might consider beyond help can at the least turn on the oven. Here is the thing. Teach us your combination. Work with us. Worse case scenario: The first few times even tell us. Just plan ahead. Spend a little time now preparing us. Over time, we will learn the combination, it will become almost instinctive because that is what guys do. We figure out the formula. If you want to fake every so often go ahead. If you do it all the time I can pretty much guarentee that you will never be satisfied, simply because us men will be thinking that we are getting the job done.
In other news: My company has finally been taken over by that other company. The good news and much to my relief we all still have our jobs. At least we have them for the time being. Wooo hooo. The clutch in my car has finally gone out. 120,000 miles, that's pretty darn good for a clutch. Anyway I have bought a truck. It's 7 years older, but has less miles. that should buy me some more time. I usually hang out with a few of my friends a couple different times a week. The poker game has pretty much died, and it now looks that we will give frezbie golf a go.
Where are the ladies?
Obviously I do not know the answere to this question or I proabably wouldn't be typing here. On the lighter side I have met a real nice girl. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. If I keep asking her to dinner and a movie she has to give in eventually right??? She did call me for the first time today. That was a pleasant surprise.
I also believe that I am cursed. I have been acused serval times of having been engaged and or married to women that I was just friends with or even on a first date. My new working theory is that women see me and think I'm already with someone. Ladies let me assure you that I AM SINGLE!!!!! START YOUR ENGINES AND HIT ON ME!!!!
Family Circus:
Well Bug and Naddie are getting bigger. Bug is a real character. Beth and Brian have a new mouth to feed. Now on to bigger and more important things: Turkey Day. I've been invited to a few different places. On one hand I can eat another one of Beth's most perfect birds and enjoy a feast worthy of kings or go for the unexpected. Although Beth's bird is tempting I'm leaning towards the unexpected at this point simply because it sounds like an adventure.
Sadies Corner:
Well my friends Adam, Calin and Shane come over here to play with me a few times a week. They talk to Jesse, but I know they are here to play with me. Adam tries to pretend he's throwing my ball and then he hides it. He doesn't fool me. Every now and then I'll turn and run just to appease him. Calin lets me sit in his lap. Shane has been neglecting me. He hasn't brought me Munchems in over two months. I might start taking it out on his shoes, but for now I think I'll give him a few more chances. I also have found a new toy. Empty two liter bottles are extremely fun to play with.
The Differnces:
I think I have covered a large number of differences so far so I apologize if this is a repeat. Since I have experinenced it again tonight I will write it anyway. Oklahomans DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE. I have experianced gridlock here a total of 6 times since I have moved here. On average that is once every two months. In CA I only experianced gridlock once. I drove there for ten years. Only once. The traffic jams I've been in out there were far worse, but people still understand and practiced merging. Granted that in CA you tend not to try to piss off other drivers because road rage is almost a common and exceptable practice. So is keeping a gun in your glove compartment to use should such a situation occur. In all, I have been cut off and in gridlock more often here in one year than in ten years in CA.
Also in CA the lanes you drive in kind of work like this. The "slow lane" is usually the speed limit lane. Each lane to the left increases in 5mph increaments over the speed limit. The far left lane is as fast as you dare go. Often it is common for traffic to be traveling at 10mph over the speed limit. Here people will go 40 in a 65 three lanes abreast. Maybe inbreeding makes them less intelligent, but it would stand to reason that three people in three different cars would be intelligent enough to drive single file in one lane instead of impedeing traffic in all three. I could go on forever about this, and I wouldn't be surprised if I make this my next topic.
On another note, I have never seen so many vehicles broken down on the side of the road as I have here, and they are left there for weeks.
FYI: Do you know how long it takes to get sick of eating at Hooters. Just about a year. Just in case you were wondering.
I can not remember what other sections I had in here, but right now I'm tired. So I'm going to go to bed. I'm not even going to spell check this or proof read it for grammer. So...Please forgive the spelling and grammer.
Goodnight and until next time.
posted by Jesse | 9:10 PM
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